Julie from Winston's Wish

Ricochet came to film again today. This time they brought Julie Stokes along. She is an extremely lovely lady who runs a charity called Winstons Wish who support parents or carers of children who have lost a close family member. Whether the death was sudden or expected, they work closely with children and families, in a variety of practical and creative ways, to create an atmosphere where they can share their thoughts and feelings and meet others. In this particular instance Julie has been brought on board to help the families involved in the documentary through difficult times and to help us create memory boxes and "mummy manuals".

Julie spent the majority of the day talking with me and Steve before the children came home from school and then she met Matt, Ellie and Freddie. She gave Ellie and Freddie some wonderful gifts which are going to help with their separation from me when I'm off to Germany or at any other time, possibly a hospital stay. They were each given a large teddy and small teddy. The large teddy was for themselves and the small teddy was to be given to me when I go away. They named the large teddies Mummy and the small teddies are Ellie and Freddie. Julie spent some time with the kids tentively asking them questions about how they felt about my illness. They created a time line of events as they saw it. It was really interesting to see the results of this as there were a few surprises for Steve and I. It was interesting to see how the kids thought of different events and how they tied in with my illness and that they said that they haven't really seen me cry, well other than when Princess Diana died! I suppose I do hide my feelings quite a lot, not just from the kids but from most other people also. I think it is my way of coping and that if I leave myself open to these feelings, I'll find it really hard to be positive. Julie was very instrumental in helping me recognise this.

The kids have been given memory boxes to fill with lots of memorabilia and I'm going to put labels on them explaining what they mean to me. I've also been given a diary of sorts to put some little tips down for Steve to help him if I'm not around. This will be a laugh. For instance putting the toilet seat down as Ellie will be the only female in the house, or how much rice to cook per person, Steve is always forgetting!! Oh yeah, how about remembering to collect them from school or even better not losing them in a shop!!!